Dear Kristi,
It is 2009 and I see you absolutely enthralled with your new baby. You are filled with immense love for this tiny little boy in your arms. You didn't know you could love anything or anyone so deeply. You gaze at your husband with new admiration. Seeing him, so strong, so determined to protect and provide for his family and yet so gentle and loving with his son. He is learning new skills and it's kind of adorable as he changes a diaper for the first time in his life. You have a bedroom all set up for your precious little child and you read to him, sing to him and snuggle with him as much of the day as you can because neither of you want to do anything else really.
I also see that you are nervous. You are scared because you are responsible for the life of this delicate, tiny baby. He is less than two weeks old and he is struggling to breathe because of a cold. You are terrified, what if he can't get enough air through his stuffed-up nose? It is winter time and you were told to keep a hat on his head to keep him warm, he squirms a lot and it falls off, it is hard to keep it on him so you mostly don't. Is that okay? Your nipples are sore and chapped and you wince with each feeding because his tiny mouth can barely fit around your nipple and his latch is poor. Is he getting enough food? When he cries you feel terrible. Sometimes you have fed and changed him, he has been burped and he is warm, but he is still crying. What should you do? What kind of a mother can't calm their child? Most anytime you have him in the car it takes at least an hour to get to your destination. They tell you not to allow your child to sleep in his carseat, his breathing could get strangulated. He has jaundice and you don't know what to do. You have to rush him here and there to appointments, well visits, hearing screenings, and more. People are telling you to be certain to vaccinate and keep him safe from all the life threatening diseases he could catch. Others are telling you not to let him get any shots because he might end up with autism or other vaccine injuries. You are studying so many books and articles, is it necessary? I see that you are feeling like things are too much, like "Will I ever get to rest again?"
What I want to say to you is BREATHE. It does get easier, and harder, but better. You get more confident and capable and the Lord qualifies those He calls. You are responsible for his life, but you are not alone. You have mother's helper angels around you to guide and bless you. You have intuition to know what is an emergency and what will just heal with sleep and rest. Sweet mother, babies are resilliant and so much more "durable" than you might think. God has numbered their days and he will keep them on this earth until their time is up. This is out of your control, but you can TRUST God. He has proven himself faithful.
I want you to know that you will get the hang of nursing, there are so many positions you can try, and there are these amazing things called nipple sheilds that help preserve your nipples from being chapped and chomped but a tiny, but powerful little jaw.
Babies don't need a hat unless you are taking them out in the cold. In fact it is important to smell the pheremones on their heads to help you and the baby bond. Jaundice is not usually a big deal, they will be just fine if you feed and snuggle them and they get some sunlight. The appoointments you ran him to, they are unnecessary. You can tell when your son is well and when he is exhibiting behaviors that are a cause for concern. You can skip the hearing screening and the PKU prick to test for genetic diseases. Learn what signs and symptoms to keep an eye out for and if he exhibits those, then get him checked out.
It is okay for babies to cry. They need to get out the stress hormones from birth and it is their primary means of communication. They don't need a pacifier stuffed in their face and be told to "shhhh" every time they even begin to whimper. Check their needs and wants and then allow them to cry a little. "During childbirth stress hormone levels are enormously high in both mother and baby. In fact it takes up to six months for the baby's stress hormone levels to drop. This is one reasone new babies cry a lot. They need to release this stored-up stress. The best way to help them is to cuddle them, keep them close, without too much excitement to aggravate them more, but allow them to cry while you hold them and gently reasure them that they are doing fine. Most babies seem to need to cry for about an hour a day or more and definitely more if they experienced a difficult birth." (Pip Waller, "Holistic Anatomy: An Integratice Guide to the Human Body" pg. 257)
Sitting in a car seat is not going to kill your baby. He is safer in a car seat than in your arms and if you are observant and pay attention to him, you will know if he is not breathing. You will be glad you studied all those books and articles about vaccines because you are going to end up very confident in your decision to avoid innoculations. Your babies are going to grow up so healthy and strong with no autoimmune diseases, allergies, or chronic illnesses.
Life is going to go by really quickly sweet mama. You are going to miss snuggling with your little newborns. That stage only lasts 28 days. You are going to be glad you learned to gently sleep train because you are not sleep deprived all these years later because you tried to rock to sleep all ten of your kids until they were 4 or 5 years old. You would have babies in your arms or bed each night for 20 years! Hold them and snuggle them in the daytime and all of you get some good rest at night.
Other people want to help; let them. Don't try to control - it is better to co-create miracles with God. You can influence and attract wonder but don't try to be super mom! Let your kids play in the mud. Don't freak out when they eat old cereal off the floor. Embrace the friendship of other women. Even if they want to hold your baby and you are scared of illness, instead of giving fear and energy to the thougts of RSV, enjoy visiting with those kind and wise women. Let your husband be the masculine man he was created to be, and let yourself rest in his care. Don't take on the masculine in order to try to control and make things happen, your kids need a feminine, female, nurturing mother, it is not weak to be that woman.
Lastly I want you to know that life is not a race, or competition. There is not a list of things you must get done in order to live and enjoy life. Take your kids to the zoo, even if they don't remember it, they are learning about the world around them. Walk with them, explain to them what they are seeing, point out the tiny bugs, the pretty plants and flowers. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have fun together. Many of the outings they will remember the most cost nothing! Allow them to do things for themselves. It is important to serve and help them, to model love and respect, but if they can do something for themselves, teach them how to do it. Let them learn how the world works, how their bodies work. Let them fail, let them succeed, praise them for their effort, not their outcome. Teach them to know and love God and others. Teach them to pray. It is going to be a better life than you even imagined my dear.
Comments