After having talked with many, many mothers over the years, I realize that we all have something in common. We are hoping to be, and some of us are even running ourselves ragged, trying to be “The Perfect Mom”. We want to be sure we are healthy enough. We want to make sure we have still “got it” and look good in a little black dress or a pair of jeans. We want to be fit and active and keep up with our kids. We want to be recognized for our unique talents and abilities, beyond washing dishes, doing laundry and keeping house. We want to make the healthiest and yummiest meals that the whole family loves. We want to fulfill our civic duties. We want to take the cutest pictures of our kids and take a vacation worthy of posting on social media. We may tell ourselves these things don’t matter and we are “good enough” but deep down we desire perfection. We want to be like that woman in Proverbs 31.
We try so hard to have our husbands trust us and feel safe with us. We learn to sew, crochet, knit, or weave. We work with our hands willingly. We travel far to the grocery store or order healthy foods online to make sure our families are well fed. We get up early and try to make bread or get a workout in, clean the house, or mend something that is broken. We garden, we buy property and fix it up. We make soap, candles, paintings, or other things to sell at a bazaar or online. We feed the poor, pack food boxes, make kits for humanitarian aid. We make sure our family is well clothed and looking presentable. We hope our husbands are liked and wise and helpful men. We try to speak kindly and with wisdom. We try to look attractive but not be vain. We hope that one day are children will arise and call us blessed.
This can be so daunting and so overwhelming, we simply can’t be “that perfect” all the time. Guess what? We don’t have to be. Our worth is not based on checking all of those things off some heavenly list. That woman probably was not doing all those things every day of her life. We have seasons, we need rest days, we can get totally into gardening and forget all about our sourdough starter. That is okay! To everything there is a season. What season are you in?
We can have a healthy and happy family even if we sometimes eat hotdogs and mac n’ cheese for lunch with the kids. We can have healthy, thriving babies, even if we forgot to take our prenatals half of our pregnancy because they make us feel sick. Sometimes we gossip, or say unkind things. We can repent. Our kids may not always call us blessed, after all, we did make them put their clothes away (all the way in the drawers) this week. The birthday cake might not turn out like we hoped. The garage might look like a tornado went through there. We may be working towards an ideal, and that is good. It is important to have goals and high standards. More important than goals and standards however, is grace.
When we give ourselves grace we essentially allow ourselves to be human and to recognize that we need God. That we desire to improve and be more like him. We accept our imperfections and love ourselves anyway. Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Sometimes I think I am kinder to my neighbor than I am to myself. If I treated my neighbor like I treat myself, I might be berating them for some stupid thing they said at a baby shower 6 months ago. If I truly give myself grace, I accept the gift that Jesus gave me so many years ago in The Garden of Gethsemane. It feels so good to just say, “wow, I want to be so good, and true, but I am falling short. Please help me. Please help me to just get back up and try again.” Daily repentance means daily re-committing to incremental improvements and being intentional about how we live. So don’t worry about being the perfect mommy. If you are pregnant and you can’t keep up with the house chores right now, enjoy this season. If you have a toddler and they run you ragged trying to feed them, play with them, and keep them safe, enjoy each moment. Sooner than you know, they will be in high school. Be the mom you have the ability and bandwidth to be and ask for God to make up the rest. Just keep trying to improve and accept help and God’s grace along the way. Being a "good mommy" is about recognizing your weakness and working with God to make it a strength. It is about cultivating character, wisdom, and kindness. No two mommies are the same, we are in different seasons, on different paths, at different stages on our earthly journey. I am proud of you for your effort. That makes you a fantastic mommy!
And by the way, if your prenatals are making you sick, try this prenatal tea. It is all I have used for my last three pregnancies and I love it.
Prenatal Tea
1 Cup Red Raspberry Leaf (loose leaf)
1 Cup Nettles (loose Leaf)
1 Cup Oat Straw (loose leaf)
½ Cup Alfalfa
½ Cup Lemon balm
½ Cup Yellow Dock
Add in any other tea that you enjoy. I like hibiscus, berry or apple teas. Mix in a big bowl. Place one tablespoon in a teabag and fill as many tea bags as you can. (This should yield about 50 -75 tea bags). Enjoy warm with honey or pure maple syrup.
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